The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fe Book

May 05, 2022 Post a Comment

The Book in 3 Sentences

Finding something important and meaningful in your life is the near productive utilize of your time and free energy. This is true considering every life has problems associated with it and finding pregnant in your life will help y'all sustain the effort needed to overcome the particular problems y'all face. Thus, we tin can say that the cardinal to living a skilful life is non giving a fuck most more things, but rather, giving a fuck only about the things that marshal with your personal values.

The Subtle Art of Non Giving a F*ck summary

This is my book summary of The Subtle Fine art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. My notes are informal and often incorporate quotes from the book as well as my own thoughts. This summary also includes key lessons and important passages from the book.

Conventional self-help advice which tells you to visualize success and think about the type of person you want to be simply reinforces the thought that you are non that thing.
Everyone wants y'all to believe that the hugger-mugger to a skilful life is to have a nicer chore or a ameliorate automobile or a prettier girlfriend.
The key to a expert life is not giving a fuck well-nigh more than; it's giving a fuck almost less, giving a fuck about merely what is true and immediate and important.
We are no longer facing a cloth crisis. Nosotros have plenty of resources: TVs and clothes and goods that we don't need. The problem nosotros confront is existential and spiritual. Nosotros have then much stuff and so many opportunities that we don't know what to requite a fuck almost anymore.
Because at that place's an space amount of things we can now run across or know, there are as well an infinite number of ways we tin discover that nosotros don't mensurate up, that nosotros're not good enough, that things aren't equally dandy as they could be.
The want for a more positive feel is itself a negative feel. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of ane's negative experience is itself a positive experience.
Pursuing something only reinforces that you lack it in the showtime place.
Accepting your experience of life every bit being slap-up and wonderful is the single greatest affair you can do for your happiness.
"You lot will never exist happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. Y'all will never live if yous are looking for the significant of life." -Albert Camus
Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.
If y'all are able to not give a fuck nigh the pain your goals crave, then you become unstoppable.
The moments when we don't give a fuck and have action are often the moments that most define the course of our lives.
Yous are going to die someday. Everyone you know is going to die soon. And in your short life you merely have a certain amount of fucks to requite.
Learning how to focus and prioritize your thoughts finer based on finely honed personal values is perhaps the greatest and most important struggle in life.
Subtlety #1: Non giving a fuck is not nearly being indifferent. Information technology simply ways y'all're comfy with being unlike. Don't say fuck it to everything in life, just to the unimportant things.
Subtlety #2: To not give a fuck about arduousness, you must first care about something more important than arduousness.
Subtlety #3: Whether y'all realize information technology or non, you are always choosing what to give a fuck nearly. The central is to gradually clip the things you lot care about, so that you lot only give a fuck on the nigh important of occasions.
When a person has no issues, the listen automatically finds a way to invent some.
I retrieve what nearly people — especially educated, pampered middle-class white people — consider "life issues" are really but side effects of not having anything more of import to worry about.
Finding something important and meaningful in your life is perhaps the near productive apply of your fourth dimension and energy.
It'south okay for things to suck some of the time.
Practical enlightenment is the act of becoming comfy with the thought that some suffering is always inevitable.
There is no value in suffering when it is done without purpose.
Don't hope for a life without problems. Promise for a life with skilful problems.
Problems never stop. They merely get exchanged or upgraded.
Happiness is constitute in solving problems, not avoiding them.
True happiness occurs just when you lot discover the problems you enjoy having and bask solving. Happiness is wanting the problems you have and wanting to solve them.
Emotions are simply biological signals designed to nudge you lot in the direction of beneficial modify.
Negative emotions are a sign that something is going unaddressed. They are a call to activity. Positive emotions are the reward for taking the right activeness.
We should question our emotions considering they are not always right.
Don't ask yourself what you lot want out of life. Information technology'south like shooting fish in a barrel to want success and fame and happiness and groovy sex. Everybody wants those things. A much more interesting question to ask yourself is, "What kind of hurting do I desire?" What you are willing to struggle for is a greater determinant of how our lives plough out.
You lot can't simply be in love with the effect. Everybody loves the upshot. Yous have to beloved the process.
The climb to the top is a never-ending up spiral with new problems ever surfacing and new processes that you must fall in love with. You are never immune to stop climbing because the entire point is to honey the climb. If you ever stop loving the climb, the results will never come.
Cocky-esteem, past itself, is overrated. It doesn't help to feel good about yourself unless you have a good reason for feeling that way. The struggle makes self-esteem useful, not the participation bays.
Your problems are not privileged in their severity or hurting. You lot are not unique in your suffering.
The more exposed we are to opposing viewpoints, the more we seem to get upset that those other viewpoints exist. This seems like a logical trend to me considering earlier the internet and our hyper-connected mod world, people didn't have as much likelihood of running into ideas that disagreed with their own. Today, alternate ideas are far more than probable to cross your radar screen.
Most of us are pretty average at most things we do. Even if y'all're exceptional at ane thing, chances are yous're average or beneath average at virtually other things.
Our lives today are filled with information from the extremes of the bell curve of human experience. The best of the best, worst of the worst, and most upsetting of the upsetting. We only see the nigh exceptional news stories because that's what drives revenue. This is a existent problem when it comes to comparison because you tin can simply be infrequent in 1 thing matter and y'all're going to be below boilerplate in well-nigh everything else. That makes comparison a very dangerous game to play.
The problem is that the pervasiveness of engineering science and mass marketing is screwing up a lot of people'south expectations for themselves.
One of the near pervasive narratives about masculinity in our culture is that the nigh valuable affair a man tin attain is sex and information technology's worth sacrificing nearly annihilation to go it. (Interestingly, this corresponds to one of the dominant female narratives, which is that the greatest affair a woman can be is cute.)
People who are infrequent become that way by thinking they are average and focusing on improvement. Y'all don't become exceptional by believing you are exceptional.
The more than uncomfortable the reply, the more than likely it is to be true.
Issues are inevitable, only what they mean is flexible. Nosotros get to command what our problems mean to united states of america based on how we choose to think about them and how we cull to measure them. The way we measure success influences how nosotros view the problems we confront.
"Pleasance is a imitation god. Enquiry shows that people who focus their free energy on superficial pleasures end upwards more anxious, more emotionally unstable, and more depressed. Pleasure is the most superficial form of life satisfaction and therefore the easiest to obtain and the easiest to lose."
People who base their self-worth on being right about everything prevent themselves from learning from their mistakes.
"I day, in retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you lot as the most beautiful." -Sigmund Freud
People who are terrified of what others remember virtually them are really terrified of all the negative things they think about themselves being reflected back at them.
When we feel that we're choosing our issues, we feel empowered. When we feel that our bug are being forced upon united states against our volition, nosotros feel victimized and miserable.
Nosotros don't always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to u.s., as well equally how we respond.
Accepting responsibility for our problems is the first footstep to solving them.
A lot of people hesitate to accept responsibility for their problems because they believe that to be responsible for your bug is as well to be at error for your problems. This is not true. We are responsible for experiences that aren't our error all the time. This is part of life.
People will oftentimes fight over who gets to be responsible for successful and happiness. But taking responsibility for our problems is far more important because that's where real learning comes from.
Growth is an incessantly iterative procedure. When nosotros learn something new, nosotros don't go from "wrong" to "correct." Rather, nosotros go from wrong to slightly less wrong. We shouldn't seek to find the ultimate "right" answer for ourselves, but rather, nosotros should seek to chip away at the means that we're wrong today so that we can be a petty less wrong tomorrow.
Certainty is the enemy of growth.
All behavior are wrong—some are only less wrong than others.
Counterintuitive insight by Baumeister regarding evil: some of the worst criminals often felt expert most themselves. Low self-esteem was non always associated with evil acts.
The more you try to become certain about a particular consequence, the more than uncertain and insecure you will feel.
The more you comprehend beingness uncertain and non knowing, the more comfortable y'all will feel in knowing what you don't know.
The homo who believes he knows everything learns nothing.
Manson's Law of Avoidance: The more something threatens your identity, the more than you lot volition avoid it. The more something threatens how you lot view yourself, the more than you volition avert getting around to doing it.
If I believe I'm a nice guy, I'll avert situations that could potentially contradict that belief. If I believe I'm an awesome melt, I'll seek out opportunities to bear witness that to myself over and over over again. The belief e'er takes precedence.
Manson'south idea of "kill yourself" is similar to Paul Graham's idea of "go along your identity small." The central bespeak is that if you lot don't have an identity to protect, and then modify becomes much easier.
For whatsoever change to happen in your life, y'all must take that you lot were wrong near something y'all were doing before.
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." -Aristotle
If it feels like information technology's you lot versus the world, chances are it's really just y'all versus yourself.
The magnitude of your success is tied to how many times you've failed at that thing.
Goals are express in the amount of happiness they tin provide in our lives considering they are finite. In one case you achieve the goal, it can no longer provide happiness because the finish line has been crossed. Paradoxically, then, by choosing processes every bit your focus, you can increase your overall, lifelong happiness by focusing on the process and not the goal. Processes never end, which means happiness tin can continue indefinitely.
Action isn't simply the effect of motivation; it'southward likewise the cause of it. Do something and inspiration volition follow.
How do you write a tons of books? Write "200 crappy words per 24-hour interval" and yous'll find motivation often flows out of y'all.
Manson's "do something" principle sounds a lot similar the philosophy behind the 2-minute rule. Do something now, even if information technology's actually small, and let good actions pour as a upshot.
To truly appreciate something, you lot must confine yourself to information technology. There's a certain level of joy and meaning that you reach in life simply when you've spent decades investing in a single relationship, a single craft, a single career. And y'all cannot achieve those decades of investment without rejecting the alternatives.
The marker of an unhealthy relationship is when 2 people try to solve each other's problems in order to experience proficient well-nigh themselves.
Trust is the most important ingredient in any relationship for the simple reason that without trust the human relationship doesn't actually mean anything.
Investing deeply in i person, one place, one chore, ane activity might deny us the breadth of experience we'd like, but pursuing a breadth of experience denies u.s. the opportunity to relish the rewards of depth of experience.
Commitment, in its own way, offers a wealth of opportunity and experiences that would never otherwise exist available to you, no matter how many surface level experiences yous pursued.
Rejection of alternatives liberates us. In a strange way, commitment to one thing offers more freedom than anything else because it relieves you of all the 2d guessing most what else is out there.
If in that location is no reason to do anything, if life is pointless, and then at that place is also no reason to not do anything. What do you have to lose? You lot're going to die anyway, so your fears and embarrassments and failures don't hateful anything. You might as well try.
All of the significant in our life is shaped by our innate want to never truly die. Our physical bodies volition die, but we cling to the thought that nosotros can live on through religion, politics, sports, art, and technological innovation.
The merely style to be comfortable with death is to empathise and run across yourself as something bigger than yourself, to contribute to some much larger entity.
It is the human activity of choosing your values and living past them that makes you keen, not whatsoever issue or accomplishment.
"We're all going to die, all of united states of america. What a circus! That alone should brand us love each other, simply information technology doesn't." -Charles Bukowski

Reading Suggestions

This is a list of authors, books, and concepts mentioned in The Subtle Fine art of Non Giving a F*ck, which might be useful for future reading.

The Denial of Expiry by Ernest Becker

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck past Mark Manson

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Source: https://jamesclear.com/book-summaries/the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-fck